


Mother Dearest

by olivemartini



Series: the heavy hearts we hold together [16]
Category: Criminal Minds
Genre: F/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-07-22
Updated: 2017-07-22
Packaged: 2018-12-05 12:28:34
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 809
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11578095
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/olivemartini/pseuds/olivemartini
Summary: His mom's getting worse.So is Spencer.





	Mother Dearest

It's inevitable that parents become the children.

It's also a very uncomfortable truth of life to think about when you don't have to.  Beatrice never did have too, because her parents are still young and of whole mind and body, and she has two other siblings close to home who take care of them when she can't bring herself too.  But Reid had learned that lesson too fast and too harshly, at much too young an age.

And it just kept getting worse.

"I think this is the one I'm going to try for."  He taps his pen onto the paper that she printed out for him, one of hundreds.  He's surrounded by books and medical journals, having been immersed in them for days, ever since his mom was diagnosed with an early on set of dementia.  Beatrice wants to help, but she's out of her area of expertise in this, so she just brings him coffee and fetches the articles he wants and watches with worried eyes.  "It sounds like its the one that has the best shot at success, and I know a few of the doctors there, so they might let her in on a personal favor."

Beatrice nods along, because that's what she does when she watches someone trying to puzzle out a solution that doesn't really have a solution.  At first, she had been sure that this was just a the denial phase of his stages of grief, where he came to terms with losing his mother in a whole new way.  But it just kept going, with more plans and solutions and research, until she can't tear him away to sleep or eat or even breathe. 

It's hard to watch.

"You think it's a bad idea."  He had brought this up before, when he's tired and angry and so frustrated that he's on the verge of tears, but this is different.  This is in the middle of a nice dinner that she had cooked, where they were supposed to have a night that was about the two of them, where they take a break from all the craziness around them.  Beatrice hadn't responded to it before, but now he's looking at her with calm, tired eyes, like he might actually be willing to hear her side of things.  "You think I should just keep her in the home."

"I do, Reid."  She remembers it from her grandmother, watching bits of her be taken away and having it disappear.  It's not the same thing, but Beatrice can claim to have some experience with it.  "I know you want a miracle.  But maybe it's time to stop hoping for a hail mary, and start dealing with what you've got."

"I can't just give up."  She reached across the table to find his hand, and she could feel how thin he was, to where the bones were easy to find beneath his skin.  "She's my mother, Beatrice.  I can't lose her."

 _Again,_ Beatrice thinks, burying her head in her hands and then looking back at him.  He can't lose her again, even though he never really had her. Beatrice knows that it's unfair, that Diana couldn't help it, but when she thinks of the brief mentions of what his childhood was like- the nights spent alone, the dinners he cooked for himself, the times when he was locked out of the house all night, when Diana thought he was an enemy spy, how awful school was for him and how there was no safe haven for him to go home too- it's hard not too hate her, just a little.  Even though she knew there were a lot of good things that came with Diana, too.  

"Okay."  She nods, because that decides it, really.  This is his choice, not hers.  At the moment, Beatrice was just along for the ride.  "Then we keep looking."

"I have to try."  He's begging, she realizes.  Begging for her to understand why he needs to do this.  "You get that I have to try?"

"We're doing this together."  Beatrice knows that this isn't what she had signed up for.  That this would mean more late nights, and more time away from her, and just another awful thing to weigh them both down. But when you say you love someone, you don't get to just pick and choose the parts of them that are easy to deal with.  "You're not alone in this one, okay?"

"Okay."  He's happier now, eyes a little brighter than they were a second ago.  "You're sure?"

She wasn't.  She wasn't sure about anything, other than that she loved him and he loved her, despite the fact that they haven't told each other that yet.   "Of course I'm sure."  _No, I'm not, this is a bad idea, you can't fix this one._ "I'm with you.  With everything."


End file.
